you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
