At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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