After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
