tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did you just send me my own nude
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
