Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
