They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize