I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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