I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
