I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
