This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize