I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
