She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
