I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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