1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she peed on how many people?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
