a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
