I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
