he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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