Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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