So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
