So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He shit in the fireplace
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
