carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
