I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
