Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
