Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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