I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
