i just had sex bonerless
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
