i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
