He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
