How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
