yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
