I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
