i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
