Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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