Define "chronic" masturbator.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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