at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
