Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
