I looked at my own cervix.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
