is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
