btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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