My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
