I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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