i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
