I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
