my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
