I could have mohawked her pubes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize