I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
