So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
