Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
