I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
