My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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