oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
