I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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