Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
