well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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