Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
