evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
