I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We're too hungover to prance.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
