shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I believe in your delicious
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize