I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
