Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
