I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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