White coat. Heels.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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