mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
