Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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