Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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