I will die if light touches me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
