Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't deserve a penis
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
