All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize