im six kinds of drunk right now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Panties = found
Randomize
