also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
