Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
