I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
