how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize