it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
