What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
